looking back, and looking forward are both part of being fully present

 There is no conflict or contradiction here. It is important, almost all of the time, to be focused wherever we happen to be, and on whatever it is we may be doing. Think about being in a conversation. Giving another our time, and attention are often the greatest gift we can offer another. Feeling listened to, and really being heard, even when we may not agree or don't have any advice to offer are very validating and yes, nurturing. But if the other person feels that you are not really listening, the experience for that individual may actually be worse than if we actually dismissed them, or attacked what they are saying. 

So being present as a listener is very, very important. But of course there are exceptions for every situation. As a writer, I am very protective of my time. As I write these words, I can see more then one of my close friends or relatives shaking their heads and saying to themselves, " You have more time to yourself than anyone I know..."   and they may well add a few other well chosen words. Even if they are not actually feeling hurt or angry that I can't spend at least a little more time, many really don't understant why I need so much time inside my head. When something is important, I am able to shift gears and listen fully. It may take a moment or two  but, I can do it.    If it's an unexpected interruption, I will probably need to make a note to myself so that whatever was simmering in my mind is not lost forever. 

(The Next Paragraph Makes Reference To Trauma... If you are someone who knows that you are easily triggered, please  skip the next paragraph)                                                                                                        There are other instances, hopefully rare in your life, when it might actually be important not to be present mentally. I am referring to very serious moments of trauma, when you can not escape or protect yourself physically. Psychologists have given us the words, "Fight, Flight or Freeze." The freeze response can be both a physical and mental shutting down. It might also be seen as a mental escape, when there is no way to get away physically. It can in some cases reduce the intensity of the moment, but it can also lock the trauma into place within the body and nervous system of a trauma  survivor. In a terrifying, inescapable situation, it may be better to go elsewhere mentally, rather than remaining fully present. The Body Keeps The Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. is an important resource for those who would like to know more about this.

In general, however, it is better to be fully present, there are always exceptions. Much of my attention as a writer, and earlier as an educator, I have explored the process of making exceptions. We can not go through life in an exeedingly rigid way without causing great frustration in others and seeming unreasonable. From a purely pragmatic perspective, we are not very capable as problem solvers if our mind is not somewhat flexible.  

As very young children we are very "black and white" when it comes to any kind of rules.  There are no exceptions... until be begin to develop a bit more fully.

Some individuals are quite uncomfortable with the notion that even when it come to hard and fast rules,  we need to allow space for some occassional exceptions.  But to these people, whether religious or not, I would ask them to consider the premise upon which Ecclesiates rests. Most of the time we do this, this and this, and we do not do that, or THAT, with NO Exceptions, but once in a while, very rarely, we need to be able to do things in an entirely different way... usually in the midst of some crisis or emergency situation such as a war, for example. 

Going back to  problem solving and yes, even teaching, or leading a group of any kind, we must do something different, if what we have been do is not working, and we have tried our original strategies two or three time and things are no better. 

It is not good for us get stuck endlessly looking back or dreaming of the furture without returning to the present to deal with what needs attention now. Most of the time we do need to be here and fully present, but in order to do that, we also need to look back as needed or when it  just happens, and we sometimes need to look ahead, not only to dream and inspire ourselves, but also to help with the actual planning process.   

And so it is, our nuanced lives, with as many exceptions as we may need 

or can manage...  

but remember that when it comes to exceptions, it is not always the more the merrier.

Very often more exceptions equals more complications, and that requires an even more nuanced response and then perhaps figuring out which exceptions we can allow... without creating more problems...

c'est la vie

(Note on the wall of a rehersal studio at Pirate School Theatre) 

2022/cp